7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore

7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore


One of the difficult things about dating is that sometimes
people put a version of themselves forward that doesn’t correspond to who they really are. So you can start a relationship, think you’re dating this wonderful person and find out after several months that that’s in fact not the case. And that’s why in this video, I want to give you seven red flags that you absolutely need to be aware of to avoid dating someone that you don’t want to be with. And this is true of both men and women and I’m gonna focus on things that aren’t so obvious and not just jealousy or clinginess — things that might be happening that you’re not noticing that if you did, you could save yourself a lot of pain. So the first thing is that if the person that you are dating has friends that you don’t like, chances are the person you’re dating is someone you eventually will not like. Now, of course you want to treat them as an individual, right? You’re saying, “They’re not like their friends. They don’t have these qualities so why should I ascribe to them qualities that I see in these other people?” And if that’s a wonderful feeling but the truth is we are all products of the five people that we hang out with the most. We’re like our friends especially if we spend a lot of time with them. So if you think that the person you’re dating doesn’t
have the qualities that you see in their friend — maybe in terms of ambition, they’re unkind, or whatever — guess what? The person that you are seeing is probably putting on a face; in reality, they’re much more like their friends and they want you to believe that they just want to impress you early on it so they don’t let you know. The second thing is very similar to that and it’s if you want to know how somebody’s gonna behave when things aren’t going so well and they no longer feel the need to impress you, look at how they trait waitstaff, look at how they treat service people, and look at how they treat anyone in the world that seems or they feel has lower status than they do. When people go out to a restaurant, one of the nice things is that there is a waitstaff that serves you and all the times, people feel like they do not need to impress that person because they’re already paying them. Guess what? That means that they’re going to behave in a way that is constant for anyone that they are not trying to impress and you will eventually become that person for them so while they might be very sweet to you and understanding of your flaws, if they are really, really rude or unkind or not understanding when the waiter makes a mistake when that’s you after several months you will likely receive that same pattern. So if you don’t like the treatment the way that they treat waitstaff, you’re probably eventually not going to like the way that they treat you. The third piece and this one can feel good is be wary when someone breaks confidence in order to tell you a secret especially early on. So if someone comes up to you and during the course of your conversation says, “Don’t repeat this. I was asked not to say this but…” and then tells you something, that’s a pretty good indicator that they are breaking the confidence
of somebody else who asked them not to say something; in fact, it might be somebody that they probably
have known longer than they’ve known you. And while it might make you feel special to go,
“Oh, my gosh. They trust me so much they’re telling me this,” eventually, you’ll be the person telling them secrets
that they are going and blabbing on about. But secrets aren’t even the real issue here; it’s how they treat their word. They likely, at least implicitly, let that person know that they wouldn’t say it and then they broke their word; they told you. That is a horrible, horrible trait in someone that you’re looking to date as a partner. You need someone that really respects their word and
if you get indication that they don’t, you should probably get out. The fourth thing is going to be heavily engaging in social media
or anything else that is very appearance-based. Now, I’ve made videos on social media;
it is in my business especially — I’m here on YouTube. It’s an odd relationship that I have but one thing that I have noticed in my own life and with other people is that the amount of time that someone spends cultivating an identity and an appearance in their life in whatever form it takes — any social media or even just gossiping or letting people know that they did a certain thing because they’re concerned with reputation — that tends to correspond to less time spent on their character or less time spent on who they are. So while they might look like they’re making all this wonderful progress in their meeting these amazing people or climbing mountains are meditating, if that’s all the photos and the imagery and the words that you’re seeing on social media, it can very very often be the case that behind the scenes that I’ve heard and seen so many stories that is the complete opposite. On the contrary, when someone is doing those things, you might get a post here and there but it’s not going to be the main focus; they’re actually doing it in their life. So if you and the person you’re dating have very different social media habits, sorry but it’s likely that you have very different values as well and you are probably not a match. The fifth thing if someone has a history of not having long-lasting relationships, be wary. This one is perhaps a little bit more obvious but I feel like I need to say it because I have part of myself and I know that a lot of people
out there do feel like they want to rescue people. When they see someone that it’s in dire straits, they feel like, “Oh my gosh, I can help. It makes me feel good and makes me
feel special to help plus it helps them,” fantastic. And it’s very easy to be lured in by stories of, “This is why I’m no longer close to my family. This is why I had to get rid of my best friend and then
my new best friend did this and betrayed me in this way…” but if you start to hear these stories on loop and you
find that this person has no long lasting relationships, that is generally a sign, of course, that the common thread is them and that the stories that you’re getting are rationalizations and the family members or friends would have a very different tale. Now, it is of course the case that people do come from
really rough family backgrounds on occasion and that in order to live their healthiest life they might have
had to extricate himself from their family or from a group of friends. But if it’s a repeat thing and you’re seeing it all
the time then you really do need to be wary. Next up — this is very, very related to this one — number six is going to be — if they talk about their breakups and their ex in a
way that puts all of the responsibility onto their ex that is a horrible, horrible sign and of course it feels nice for a second when someone’s telling you about your breakup and you go, “Oh my god, that wasn’t your fault. It was your ex who did all these crazy things you poor soul.” But really, we all make mistakes whether it’s in choosing the person and staying with the person and creating fights and perpetuating fights, if you’re in a situation and in a relationship that is ongoing, you are partially to blame there is things to be learned and responsibilities to be taken. So if you’re talking to someone — this is true in business and this is true in any sort of split that happens in life — and you are not hearing them take responsibility
in any way, “It’s just that this person is a bad person, they did this, and good people like me just get taken advantage of,” guess what? They have no self-awareness, they have not self-reflected,
and they haven’t fixed the problem that they contributed to which means you’re up; next, they’re gonna have the same
problems in the relationship with you so be very wary. On the other hand, if they do say, “Here’s how I contributed.
Here’s how they contributed. you put those two together; it was explosive. Here’s what I would like to do different,” even though there’s a problem that they’re saying that they have that simple awareness that they’re working on it is oftentimes so much better than a lack of awareness. And the last thing this is one that I was guilty of in my younger years and it was seeing the person that I had just started dating or seeing as perfect. And oftentimes, this happens when you’ve been friends with someone or when you’ve really idolized them for a long time from afar, you’ve wanted to get to know them, and finally you work up the courage to speak to them and, what do you know, now you’re in a relationship — this happened to me,
I lucked out once — and I saw the girl that I was seeing as perfect. And very, very quickly, that relationship fell apart and it wasn’t because of anything horrible that either of us did but it was because I was dating an idea of her. She wasn’t a flesh-and-blood person with flaws to me; she was this perfect image of someone who would make my life better. And oftentimes, when people see you as perfect, it can feel really good like a lot of these things can but it’s an indicator that they don’t have the ability to treat you like an honest-to-god human being and when you do reveal your flaws which we all have, they might not handle it well, they might not help
you get through it, and they might not even be able to cope with it. So if someone, very early on, is seeing you as a perfect
version of yourself, that is actually not a good thing. If they see you as a better version of yourself while still accepting and even beginning to love or work with some of your flaws, that is a completely different story and is actually healthy. But if they just see you as perfect and can’t see your flaws, sorry to say — it’s not that you don’t have flaws, it’s because — that is red flag number seven. So I hope that these red flags have helped you and maybe you have identified something in your own life that you can get out of early or that will save you down the line. Another thing that we have sort of related to this, we have a video set up on first impressions. And if you want to check out the four emotions that make an amazing first impression and a scenario including in dating, if this is something that you’re interested in, go ahead click below; we have a link which will take you to a page. You put in your email and you can learn the four emotions to make an amazing first impression in any situation anywhere cross-culturally; you just got to create these emotions in the right order. So, I hope that you guys have enjoyed this video. I am again doing a live a live stream on Facebook. It’s gonna be 11:00 a.m. tomorrow, the day of the release, so that’s going to be Tuesday at 11 a.m. Pacific time and 2 p.m. Eastern time. If you follow us on Facebook, I’m gonna go live; you can ask me your questions, we’ll have a good time, and if you enjoy this video
I hope that you decide to subscribe to the channel. Smash that notification bell, the Likes, or whatever you want… comment. I think I’m supposed to say all this stuff but honestly, I don’t know that it matters. I just really hope that you enjoyed the video so that is it for this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.

100 Comments on "7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore"


  1. I strongly disapprove of people who blow off their friends for a date. If I was the date they would be scolded for that so hard. And probably later dumped. This includes people who cancel plans when they come across something more interesting outside of dates as well. I cannot stress enough the importance of following through on your promises. No matter whom you've made them to. Your time is a promise.

    Reply

  2. For a new relationship, I wouldn't want to talk about past girlfriends. They were all short lived. Most of the time, women don't want to hear about past girlfriends. If that messes things up, that is her problem. Why talk about past relationships anyway?

    Reply

  3. I have no friends because people are creepy and most are only nice to get something from you. People with tons of friends throw so many red flags to me. It means they are: 1)fake
    2)attention hogs
    3) low self esteem
    4)constantly seeking approval
    5)weak
    6) can’t be alone

    Reply

  4. The one with "telling you some 'secret' from someone else…

    Well, I think a partner is something I trust with my most intimate stuff… So when someone shares a secret with me, especially something that puts a burden on me, I let them know beforehand that I might share this with my partner if I feel the need to talk about it.

    Also, nice knowing that me and my GF treat waitstaff really nice 🙂

    Reply

  5. The comment about how they treat wait staff is dead on. I always use that as a marker to determine the level of humility

    Reply

  6. That comment about what you see on media is opposite of what’s happening is pretty close to accurate.
    Except for those that are building a following.
    My boy posts all our climbing and lifting time because he’s developing a vlog. I don’t post a damn thing.

    Reply

  7. Girl I was dating that complained about her abusive ex non stop, taking no responsibility, is now with her ex.

    Reply

  8. 8. they pound liquor drinks on your first date
    9. their most recent ex is an opiate-addicted sociopath who is still stalking them

    Reply

  9. Re 5: what if my relationship history wasn’t much, my last relationship lasted 3 months 2 years ago, one before that lasted 4 months 10 years ago. Both are with Asians in Asia. I live in the U.K. and my relationship history is almost non existent because 1) I don’t like the town I live in and people there don’t go out at all 2) virtually every one of the Asian girls there go exclusively for white men because they’re too westernised 3) don’t find the girls in my town attractive or they are taken, neither do I want single moms and am very anti-tattoo, anti-drinking

    So because of all these, am I a red flag?

    Reply

  10. I feel absolute trust shouldn’t be over-emphasized in a relationship, smartness is also very important. There’s a popular saying that “don’t trust too much because that too much might hurt you so much”. My greatest disappointment was discovering my wife cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned her cellphone and i was able to read all her messages and uncover her infidelity without having to touch her phone. All i did was share my wife’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to her Facebook, whatsApp and text messages both deleted and incoming ones with a remote link on my phone. Thanks to him, now i have enough evidence for my divorce. You can contact him, he’s a genius ( [email protected] )thank me later.

    Reply

  11. Actually putting effort into your instagram or social media does not make you a person with bad character i post every other week or so and i put effort into my following and building it that doesnt make me a bad character it simply means i care about my image and what other perceive. In fact i think not using social media at all shows insecurity in someones character.

    Reply

  12. Guys, video record your dates, at least for a while, because there are a lot of guys in jail for sexual assault they didn't commit, beware vindictive women they can ruin your life and other relationships with lies and gossip. protect yourself!

    Reply

  13. Smartness is important in marriage and in any serious relationship and I’m glad that cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my husband’s phone. I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with Cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m here in UK and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. I got to discover that my husband who is legally married to me here in UK is also recently married to another woman in Canada and I’m finally going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him. I read all deleted and recent chats on his Whatsapp, Twitter,Facebook,Instagram messages and Skype. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later.

    Reply

  14. I'll admit that, at first, I thought this channel would be another BS red pill, PUA type but after watching a few videos, I began to have my doubts. Watching this video, I'm reassured.

    Those were all legit, genuine concerns that you brought up. You're wise beyond your years. Idk how you came up with these ideas but if you practice them, it means you have outstanding character. Looks like we're in the same boat when it comes to preferences in women. Definitely subbed.

    Reply

  15. Don't take advice from people who are lower then you also take advice from people who you look up too like your family or boss. Cause usually the people who are lower then you are just jealous and don't wanna see you do good those are the toxic people also remember you have to get rid of the toxic people to get the ones you want around.

    Reply

  16. They have no accountability for their lack of accountability. None! Go ahead and try. Won't be able to understand. Never!!

    Reply

  17. I look for a girl with a white flag. That means she has surrendered to me and will obey my orders at all times.

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  18. If they tell you ALL their past relationships were Assholes and Liars, Major Red Flag. The only thing these people had in common was them.

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  19. I treat "wait-staff" the same way I treat "friends" who bring down my expectations of quality… I get rid of them. Being kind to those who display low performance in their chosen occupation is disengenuous, and you do them no favors by reinforcing their poor performance. The ability to feel empathy and actually tollerating mediocrity are not inversely related.

    Reply

  20. MGTOW = Understanding the TRUE NATURE of women in order to obviate financial ruin and not to return to the plantation.

    Reply

  21. Ok kids. Though these tools might be handy, they're just tools. Like a taxi, you give them up when you get to where you're going. For the emotionally mature these tips are extraneous, and even shallow.

    First, identify who you are. You don't need to be the perfect image of yourself, we are each a work in progress. Embrace who you are (not to justify bad behavior) and allow yourself some mistakes when building relationships. Remember, sometimes our friends choose us.

    Knowing your shadow makes it easier to recognize it in others. We are here to learn, otherwise you wouldn't be interested in these videos. When we see dysfunctional qualities in others who we are attracted to, that's a true red flag. Is that the road we want? Some issues are easier to deal with than others. Remember, no one is perfect. It is grand hubris to expect your potential partner to be perfect. So he's rude to the incompetent waiter, but he takes the garbage out for the old lady next door. We are all a mix and it's best not to judge. Even discernment requires multiple data points.

    Recognize that you are not in control….. and you are. A clear understanding of how the universe works can obviate the need for red flag rules and personality tricks. When we get attracted to a person, we open ourselves up. Yes, pay attention, if there's something about yourself that you want to change, seeing that in another may or may not be a good thing. Be willing to invest in failure. The useful thing is attention, not whether a person has flaws because guess what kid, if you were perfect they'd nail you to a cross.

    Reply

  22. I find it to be a turn off when a girl is always with her friends or with her family. Of course I want them to have friends and family but if they can never go and do anything by themselves, to me that's a sign that they're really imature.

    Reply

  23. Jealousy and clinginess are actually bonuses in my book.
    At least I know she is invested in the relationship.

    Reply

  24. Really good list of red flags. Just one of them in the person you are dating is a good reason to walk away.

    Reply

  25. Just curious what if the girl I’m dating has like a crazy mix of friends like some of them are married and some of them sleep around

    Reply

  26. I'm 1 minute in and already noted a common denominator to all of my three ex girlfriends… What was I thinking and how did I not learn this in the first place…

    Reply

  27. Number 7. My most recent ex was guilty of this one, and I was guilty of believing I was actually that good.

    Reply

  28. I’m a millennial but this video is exactly why they said millennials are killing marriage. These “red flags” are pretty petty and insignificant. People aren’t perfect we are all extremely flawed and many of these “flags” are just minor imperfections of human beings.

    Reply

  29. Dunno about the "friends are an indication of the person's personality." My ex had amazing, intelligent, successful, positive friends and siblings (when we first started dating it was a major green light).. but he turned out to get fired from every job he had, constantly asking me for money, lazy, selfish and world-class at negging.

    Reply

  30. It's crazy…, I was almost dating someone who had all of the traits. He treated kids terribly cause he thought that they were below him, he saw me as absolutely perfect and was dating this idea rather than me, he repeated secrets to me that he never should have, he had a bad relationship or no relationship with pretty much everyone in his life, he took absolutely no responsibility for the things and friendships that went south in his life… He was not the one but I still crushed on him. Granted, I made… so …so many mistakes that definitely contributed to the fact it just didn't work. But in the end, he left because I wasn't perfect. I'm so glad I found this even if it was after the fact. Thanks, Guys!

    Reply

  31. Oh wow…your point about the wait staff is brilliant! I never thought about it before…but now looking back on those I've been around (friend or involved in a relationship), this is so true!! Your other points were very good, too. In fact, this is probably one of the best videos I've seen in quite a while here on YouTube. I just watched it twice in a row…don't do that on many videos. Thanks!

    Reply

  32. When people tell me secrets of other people, it's because I'm such a trustworthy person. I'm pretty sure, they often don't tell things about me to other people.

    Reply

  33. Although I’ve been too busy to form any adult relationships and am now in my fifties, I’m glad that I have #7 pretty well nailed.

    I just met a guy online and, although we decided that we lived too far from each other to date, I am able to parse out what I want to see and what is. I know I can see him as perfect but, that actually has nothing to do with anything more than the fact that I find him to be handsome and within my age range. I’m well aware that both of us could’ve found one another to be a disappointment. That we could be far more different than we’d imagined. It’s easy to get caught up in thinking this is the perfect person, when you haven’t dated for years and you’re getting up in age. But, you also need to be cognizant that you don’t need someone to ruin what’s left and you should care enough for them to do the same for them.

    Still, I have fun, thinking like I’m 16 and about what the future might’ve held — as long as my level-headed older self monitors the situation.

    Reply

  34. Smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 6 years husband cheating through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his text without touching it. I’m here in Australia and able to access his phone while he was away cheating in UK and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . Contact this Genius-Tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) Text and speak to him directly on phone +1 (601) 287-5528. or Via WhatsApp him +1 (724) 330-3252. Thank me later.

    Reply

  35. This is all called, "Common Sense". Fact of the matter is about 95% of people are not worth dating. Good luck finding the 5% or, learn to make yourself happy. You'll live a longer, happier life.

    Reply

  36. I don't like to call exes crazy. The people in my life will point that out to me.
    I have made too many excuses for them, and allowed myself to forgive behaviors that I did not deserve.
    I winded up putting too much effort in something that was never going to work, and I have to learn not to do that.
    I also have to stop allowing people who do not treat me well back into my life. I'm doing better with it though.

    Reply

  37. Ehh about the one with blame I'd say yes on one hand then no on the other. If it's for female then yes. If it's for male..well unless he is player he most likely had enough hurt pilled up to need to see his partners in bad light to even be able to live foward without being perpetualy sad so… I know that it's also rationalization but from my experience with other men and ,of course, myself it's usually women that try to get out of stuff with attrocity even if they could just straight up be honest and just say they are not interested due to, even though I find that a horrible idea and thing to do, better deal. Best way to be honest is leave before playing with getting a better deal. I know risky but that way noone will blame you. Then again I fully admit I wasn't perfect and chose some actions that might have been bad but at times I had no chocie being actually a person in love to act differently while maintaining any sort of respect to myself too.

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  38. I already didn't like people who are rude to wait staff, but the point you made is really interesting and way cleverer than why I was against it. Thanks for the insight! 🙂

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  39. Well anyone will have a red flag to some point , you v got to find the balance in it, if you see someone who got no red flag let me know😂⛳🚩 apart from number 6

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  40. I had to leave my buff for a time to find myself we reconnected 2 years he wanted to go back to old ways but we changed and move on.

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  41. Women are USELESS unless they are on their backs with their legs are spread. If a woman is NOT on her back with her legs spread then she is ONLY CAUSING TROUBLE.

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  42. Well i did not have any long lasting relationships or friends – i choose not to because women break your heart and "friends" is only there when they need you. Both use your time and energy of which i dont have much due to depression, still i dont think im a serial killer or a bad person…I just try to help people and be kind without expecting anything in return, worked well so far so il stick to that.

    Reply

  43. The advice about Social Media also extends to people who have careers that cirkels about them as (public myth), persons thats need media attentions to keep their career on track by much media expose and storys and episodes to further built on that star character myth, to keep that career going, then your appereance in that persons life is just an investment for that person who can use it all the way from the "Falling in Love" start and creating stories untill the day it's time for "The terrible person and the bad ending story" to further enhance the myth, sometimes it's worse with those who didn't get the really big break through who will use anything and anyone to let them get a even small spot in the limelight for 15 minutes, and you becomes just ammunition in their try on the "Self Realisation" dream. (when it's more about the things that people work with it's not so big chance they uses others to get the attention because they mostly does something that speaks for itself and that is different).

    Reply

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